A Case Study
I Chose Life
Genre: Documentary
Date: Released May 10, 2020
Director: Jacqui Blue
Producer: Jacqui Blue, Jessica Fondo
Writer: Jacqui Blue
Cinematographer: David Bacon, Javan Joslin, Makena Tolman, Magali Widmer
Production Company: Starseed Pictures
indieactivity: What is your film about?
Jacqui Blue (JB): I Chose Life is a documentary that addresses the suicide crisis. With suicide as the 10th leading cause of death and the 2nd leading cause of death for our youth, it was really important to me that we create a conversation starter that opens a much-needed dialog about this topic. Society goes as far as acknowledging it’s an important issue that we need to talk about and that’s where they end the conversation most of the time. It’s not a black and white issue, there’s a lot of greys. It’s not mutually exclusive to mental illness. And I made a film that goes out of its way to highlight that.
I had a clear vision of how I wanted to break the film down. We open and close with the stories behind the feature film, The Last Train, based on Anthony Montes’ true life suicide attempt. In between discussing his story at the start and end of my documentary I wanted to cover a lot of the grey areas. The middle chunk of the documentary talks about the history of suicide around the world to the present day, the covid-crisis effect on our lives, military and veteran suicides, bullying, nutrition, warning signs, risk factors, coping mechanisms, and what we can do about it as a society to erase the stigma.
Tell us about the festival run, marketing, and sales?
Jacqui Blue (JB): We didn’t have much of a budget for festivals so we only submitted to the top biggest six festivals, the ones where if you don’t know anyone involved with the festival or are already a known-named filmmaker, you don’t really have a hope of a chance. But because of the subject matter and it does have a celebrity in it, we thought we’d aim for the highest anyway and try, the worst we could get is a rejection and that leaves us exactly where we already were, no worse off for trying.
We reached out to our audience via grassroots methods utilizing social media and word of mouth. We’ve done some independent PR and marketing because we can’t afford to hire a publicist to do it for us, so it really is a true Do-It-Yourself independent film.
The biggest accomplishment and the most meaningful, the accomplishment that means more than any superficial award or popularity contest within the industry is the feedback from real people about the film. The audience reaction. The response from people who email me after they watch the documentary and either thank me, or validate how important it is that we open up these conversations, or they tell me their whole life story along with their thanking me for making the film. It’s been overwhelming in the best way and makes me more passionate about finding ways to get this film to reach millions of people worldwide.
Do fill in the ‘Dramatic Features’ below?
Budget: We had no real budget or financing. No one wanted to fund a project about suicide. I applied for grants and was told flat out that some of these institutions don’t fund projects about suicide. So I was really left to my own devices on this one. The people who worked on the project understood there was no budget and felt the subject itself was important enough to contribute to. I was very lucky to have a few acquaintances with cameras help me shoot the interviews. The music and art were donated to the film for the cause by two very talented artists, Bruce Within and Lisa Parrott-Perz.
Financing: Jeanne Finkelstein and Marilyn Fondo contributed to financing the b-roll footage used in the film, which came to about $4,200 and they put it on a few different credit cards to cover costs.
Production: We spent a total of 5 years in production from pre-production to post-production.
Shooting Format: We shot all the interviews with Digital cameras; 1080 and 4K footage with the Blackmagic camera and Canon DSLRs.
World Premiere: We did a virtual world premiere screening event of the film on May 7, 2020, on the I Chose Life film website
Give the full Official Synopsis for your film?
JB: Covering 5,000 years of history through to our current crisis where suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among America’s youth. This film opens up a much-needed conversation including coverage on the effects of nutrition (or lack of) on the brain, military and veteran suicides, the death with dignity act, mental health in addition to discussing warning signs, risk factors, protective measures and offers solutions and alternative coping mechanisms.
For some people, choosing life is the hardest choice to make on a daily basis.
Jared Padalecki lost two friends to suicide and battled his own inner dark demons. In 2015 he started his own campaign called “Always Keep Fighting” to raise awareness about suicide prevention. T.O.N.E.-z suffered abuse, neglect, and lost loved ones, creating a whirlwind of inner turmoil and chaos which he channeled through music. Kevin Briggs, known as the “Guardian of the Golden Gate Bridge” talked more than 200 lost souls out of jumping to their deaths. Anthony jumped in front of a subway train attempting to take his life and survived. Years later he would use his own story as inspiration for a stage play (then called Subway Suicide) turned screenplay, The Last Train. Ciera used to cut herself and abuse drugs. She would later go on to star in and produce The Last Train with the intent to keep hope alive and inspire others. Amanda suffers from anxiety and her teenage daughter was committed to a mental health institution for suicide ideation and self-harm. Sharing all these stories and more, I Chose Life is the most in-depth film on the subject, to date.
Development & Financing?
JB: I got the idea to make a documentary about suicide while I was working as a production assistant on The Last Train. Anthony and Ciera approached me about documenting the making of their film, which snowballed into a bigger idea about a documentary about suicide.
I always had a clear vision from day one that I wanted the documentary to open and close with the story behind The Last Train. It was figuring out all the information I was going to fill in the middle that I spent years researching. In development, I made an outline of the most important subjects that I wanted to cover. All my research resulted in a 15-page essay. I knew I wanted to talk to people who lost people to suicide and who have felt suicidal. I wanted to talk about the uncomfortable aspects that no one else wants to talk about.
I learned that securing financing for a project about suicide was not easy. I applied for grants and was denied. A few people actually wrote back and flat out said they do not fund projects about suicide, so when it came to raising money, I gave up and decided to just make the film to the best of my ability without money because it was important. I kept securing interviews, that was much easier. It was easier to get a celebrity attached than a financier.
Production?
JB: Documentaries are a little different than a feature narrative film. In total it took 5 years from start to finish this film. I didn’t have a deadline because every time I set one, things got pushed back for various reasons. The sound, art, and b-roll were the biggest key points to the film that I couldn’t do on my own and needed outside help with when it came to post-production.
I contacted Bruce Witkin early on about the project. He owns a record label and there’s a band who was on his label called Baby Bird. Baby Bird has a song called “Failed Suicide Club”, which I thought would have been a perfect song for the end credits of this film. Well, it turns out-licensing music for films is more expensive than I could afford since I didn’t have a budget and couldn’t raise financing. Bruce mentioned he wanted to get into scoring more films and because he cared about my cause, he offered to score my film and also brought me into his studio to record the voiceover for the film.
I did some of the interviews by phone because I didn’t have the budget to fly all over the country and yet I had people all over the country who wanted to share their stories with me about their loved ones who took their lives. I set up the in-person interviews with Anthony, Ciera, Amanda, and Charity during the making of The Last Train. We shot interviews with Jared Padalecki and T.O.N.E-z while they were in town. One of the associate producers was working in San Francisco so we set up her to interview with Kevin Briggs, as I also happened to know a cinematographer in the area. And Joe Tabbanella is a mentor and colleague of mine, he was actually the last interview we shot for the documentary.
Amanda and Charity were in town from Texas so I only had one shot at an interview with them and it was in a very noisy environment but we had to take what we could get. The woman who originally shot Anthony and Ciera’s interviews messed up the sound so we had to re-shoot their interviews later with someone else. The same thing happened with T.O.N.E-z. The first on-camera interview we shot with him was with the same woman who messed up Anthony & Ciera’s interviews so I had to wait another two years for T.O.N.E-z to be back in Los Angeles to reshoot his interview.
I edited the interviews as we shot them so I was building the skeleton on the timeline in my editing software since 2015. I kept tweaking what I had as I went along and added more to the timeline, building upon what I had. It was interesting doing a little post-production all along the way, it was comparable to cleaning dishes as you’re cooking.
The first final cut that was ready for screening with people was completed in the Summer of 2019 and we hosted a small focus screening with about 20 people of varying age groups and backgrounds. After their feedback, there was another cut edited of the film and then again before the release I contacted one of my production partners and asked if it was possible to record a voiceover for a bit about the 2020 covid-crisis because I felt that was important as suicide rates are up. He said yes, so we did it and I spent twenty-four hours afterward editing a three and a half minute segment to add and edit into the film about a week before the virtual premiere screening.
The Release?
JB: The world changed and with it so did my plans for how to release this film. I talked to many other independent filmmakers and read their posts on forums and in groups online talking about distribution and basically, if you’re not one of the “big guys”, you’re gonna get taken advantage of and screwed. For example, filmmakers putting their films on Amazon make a penny per hour that their film is streamed. I might reach more people on amazon but I believe my audience will find my film. Word of mouth will spread and those who need it will find their way to it somehow.
So I decided to do it differently and release it myself, making it available on my website for prices comparable to what one would pay to rent or purchase a film on Amazon on YouTube.
We did a virtual premiere event where people who purchased tickets, had access to streaming the film for 72 hours and also had access to 15 minutes of bonus footage that features Jared Padalecki and T.O.N.E-z. The virtual premiere event also included a Livestream chat with T.O.N.E-z & me after the film screening and a guided meditation MP3.
The film is now available on the official I Chose Life film website and a version with open captions & the 15-minute bonus footage on Vimeo on Demand
Advice from the Filmmaker?
JB: If you have a vision and you’re passionate about it, even if you can’t get funding, find some way. Make it happen. If I can do it twice, while also raising five kids on my own, I don’t want to hear excuses about why you can’t, instead of “can’t”, find ways that you can. Where there’s a will, there’s a way, I’ve learned that saying to be one of the truest things. The question isn’t who’s going to let me or help me, or it’s who’s going to stop me, and so far, I’m two for two when it comes to making documentary films with no financing but a lot of determination and a desire to make it happen. Never give up on your dreams but also understand that no one else is going to make them come true for you. Hollywood is full of gatekeepers that are very hard to get through but don’t let that discourage you. Don’t just dream it, do it.
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